i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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