for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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