So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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