That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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