i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This is the high leading the old right now
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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