he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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