ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
