I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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