Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
