I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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