people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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