he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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