I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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