"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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