It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
