It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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