well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
