I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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