if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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