Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i out mim tonsoeep
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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