if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
