you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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