He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
