final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
