I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
