census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
