i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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