guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
