I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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