the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
