tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
