Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
