He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
