Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
