At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
