No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
