I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
