My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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