epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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