Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
