hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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