if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Less talking, more tequila
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
