It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
