fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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