Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
