so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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