PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
