So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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