i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
