I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
