Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There r osticjed everywhere
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
