there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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