I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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