i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
this just has baby written all over it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
