you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
